Note: The book Common Sense: Five Things to Consider Before Gangbanging consists of an introduction that provides background information about the author, his introduction to gang life, and his eventual path to California’s Death Row. He highlights five topics that he wants those who are thinking about banging to consider: Family, Freedom, Quality of Life, Potential, and Pain. Enclosed is the excerpt on Pain.

Pain

When we choose to bang, we create a contagious pain that touches everyone. Whatever family we have, they are in pain because they know where our lives are eventually headed. They may not even express it that much, because they know there’s not much they can do, but trust me, inside they really wish you were doing something more productive with your life. So, they live in disappointment, guilt, and sometimes shame knowing they brought you into this world and the best you could deliver was gangbanging. A lot of mothers take the blame and live in guilt, feeling maybe they could have done better. That’s some deep pain to live with. At the end of the day, we cause it with our choices. 

We also cause pain by the things we do to people when we’re out there banging. We cause so many mothers and families pain. If you didn’t know this, hurt people hurt people. So, all the people we cause pain to are hurting other people and causing others pain, sometimes unknowingly. Imagine someone killed your mother or that one person in your life that means everything to you. Do you think there will be days where you’re just upset at the world, mad, and may say and do things to other people just because you’re hurt? Sure you will. Some days you’ll wake up in a bad mood and will probably mistreat others. You’re not doing it on purpose, but when you experience pain sometimes you take it out on those around you. Now think about all the hurt and pain that’s happening in the hood. Banging causes a lot of it, and we can cause it with one act. 

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Now I don’t think or act the way I did when I caused that pain. That makes it extremely difficult–knowing it was worthless. I think if it was really worth it, I would still think and act the way I did then. Since I see things different now, it bothers me a lot. I can change, but I can’t change the pain I’ve caused. That’s what I’m telling you. If you choose this road, you will hurt people and most likely have to kill someone. Then you will probably grow out of that way of thinking and behaving only to know that the pain you caused a mother will still be killing her slowly. That’s some brutal stuff if you think about it. We can easily try to justify it or push it to the back of our mind by saying “that’s part of the game” or “that’s the life we live,” but if at some point your thinking becomes clear it won’t sit right with you. I want you to realize how much pain you’ll cause and hopefully you’ll get it and won’t do it.